The one thing that sucks the most overall is watching my teammates do something I once used to be able to do and that’s play basketball. I’m so grateful that I still have the opportunity to be part of a team that’s so supportive and there’s nothing I love more than seeing each and everyone of them succeeding but the fact I cant be part of their success as one of their teammates is frustrating and sucks more than anything. I have always been determined from the very start to not lose my connection with my team and with the sport that I love. It is always tough going and sitting there practice after practice, game after game watching your teammates train and play. Every time it seems to get a little harder than the last, I sit there in complete envy and jealousy because deep down I would give anything to be out there doing the same. But its good in a way, I like to use it as my motivation, I know that I cant feel sorry for myself and the only way to change my situation is by going and working as hard as possible to get better so that one day I can get back out there.
I have some really good days, some “ok” days, and some not so good days, I lose belief in myself a lot of the time because I cant do something or something isn’t working out the way it should be. I tend to ignore the fact that it has only been three weeks since my second operation and I’m struggling a bit because I’m feeling pretty confident but obviously my knee is still healing and it needs the time to do so and sometimes I forget that. I rushed my recovery the first time and was in denial a lot of the time. Sometimes I think that’s the reason why I reinjured myself because I always moved onto the next phase way before I was ready. This was also simply because I didn’t have any guidance or support from my physio, which was really difficult for me. So this time around my physio and I have taken a different approach where I have my 5 major goals written down for each phase and I’m not allowed to move on until I’ve ticked all 5 and I’m feeling 110% confident. I must say seeing them written down makes it ten times easier and is a really good motivator. And when I go back to the physio and he is able to tick them off one by one and tell me I’m smashing it this time around, I feel like finally the countless early mornings, the pain, the struggle I’ve been through is starting to see its way out and pay off. I’m not going to speak too soon because I know with my luck, it won’t happen the way I want it to. But I feel like I have hope and that it maybe, might just be the first time since last year that my knee feels close to normal and there really is no better feeling.
Every step of progress I make seems to be more exciting than the last, although I still cant play or even train, simply being able to shoot hoops or have a basketball in my hands is awesome. I’ve been working hard through the whole of my rehab to not lose my skills so I try and do as much ball handling and dribbling as I am capable of doing. You’ll often find me in my spare time sitting in a chair bouncing a basketball though my legs or spinning (trying to spin lol) a basketball on my finger. I’ve tired everything I can to stay in the game and be as positive about my recovery as I can. I often question myself about how I do what I do, day in day out without complaint, but I guess we just adapt to the things that happen to us in life, and learn to appreciate the things we once took for granted. Sometimes the biggest challenges that we face can often be the most rewarding to overcome and today I feel so much stronger both mentally and physically than I ever thought was possible. Makes me so excited for what’s to come.