#13 LIFE IS FULL OF MYSTERIES

So today I learned that my little sister has torn her ACL. When I found out that she’d injured her knee last week during her basketball game, I felt sick to the stomach. I honestly wanted to cry for her. I knew right at that moment that she was about to face one of the biggest challenges in her 15 years of life. I told her to prepare for the worst, even if you do get good news because it hits you like a freight train when they tell you you’ve torn your ACL. A lot goes through your mind; I know cause I’ve experienced it all. It doesn’t get any easier from that starting point but I know that she’s going to get through it and have no troubles because she’s already proved how strong and how brave she is and that’s something she should be extremely proud of. With surgery booked in for the end of this month, I know she’s extremely worried and scared of what’s to come. I remember I was and especially at the age of 15, you’d never think anything like that would happen but that’s life, it’s full of mysteries. I’ve always said I would never wish this injury upon anyone, because it’s tough and if you don’t do the rehab with the right state of mind its extremely hard to recover from and it can come with many complications if you let it. I’m glad that I can be there to guide her and help her through it to ensure she makes it back.

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And that’s when it just sort of hit me. I had just been to pick my sister up from her basketball training while I was waiting I started looking at old photos in my phone; I stumbled across this one below. The face of one happy girl who had just been told her knee injury was only minor and that she’d be back on the basketball court in less than 3 or 4 weeks max. That was 521 days ago… believe it or not.

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Sometimes it’s extremely hard to express how I feel about where I’m at with my rehab because it continually changes each day and some days I’m in a good place, other days I’m not. What most don’t understand is that once your injured your life become extremely different. They don’t understand the commitment it requires to get back to your ‘old’ self and most importantly they don’t understand the toll it takes on your mental and emotional state. I often get to scared to speak up about how I feel because I’m worried people will judge me or shut me down for being weak. So I keep it locked up and I write down every thought I have. It’s the one thing I can do freely and not feel any pressure what so ever. I mentioned in my last past how I have become pretty sick in the last couple weeks, and it’s forced me to completely back off on my rehab and to literally “rest,” something I’m not very good at doing. I’m healthy and I’m reasonably fit for someone who has plenty of restrictions but on top of my rehab program I was adding extra things that I obviously thought would contribute and help me in some way, put everything aside though, it was actually weighing me down. A LOT. Getting better is the biggest priority in my life, like I said before it’s been over 500 days since I’ve played the one game I absolutely love and the only thing I want in this world is to be able to play that game again and not feel scared. I’m coming pretty close now and it’s an awesome feeling but it’s easier said than done might I add. The negative comments I receive from some people always plays in the back of my mind and the pressure I have from some individuals. My God, it makes me go crazy constantly. I burnt myself out doing more than I could handle and it was at this point that I had to stop being obsessed with trying to get better. I’ve had to really focus on my overall health for now and understand the general effects it was having on my rehab and me personally, so taking a step back was one of the best decisions I’ve made.

And now I’ve earnt the one thing I’ve been working for. Today I received the news I have wanted to hear for quite some time now, for the first time in about 8 months I get to put on my runners and start phase 3, my return to running, agility and landing program, YAYYYYY. I actually couldn’t tell you how many times that the thought of giving up crossed my mind this last month because there were plenty and at one point I thought I wasn’t going to make it through, seriously (thx glandular fever, you did good) but I changed things around and I just proved to myself that I can do it.

 

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